Top 100 Fictional Male Role Models

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9. Dolemite

He's fat. He's hairy. He's often naked. But he's the man. Dolemite started as a street legend and then became a movie character played by Rudy Ray Moore. He's a straight bad ass, first off, fighting several cops and The Man single handedly. Plus, he raps when he's mad. Case in point, Dolemite, to the cops: "Man, move over and let me pass before yall have to be pullin these hush puppies out yo mutha****in ass." Ahh, Dolemite. You're my hero.

 

 

 

8. Peter Parker

Arguably the most famous of all comic book characters, Peter Parker represented everything a young ordinary man dreamed of becoming: a super hero. After being bitten by a radioactive spider, Peter gains special powers.

 

At first he decided to use these powers for selfish reasons but with the loss of his Uncle Ben, Peter's experiences taught us that "with great power comes great responsibility." And because of this, at the age of 10, I built my very own web shooters which shot "Easy Cheese" at my neighbor's grandfather. Hey, you would have thought he was the Green Goblin as well if you'd seen how he moved in that wheelchair!

 

 

 

7. Jules Winnfield (Pulp Fiction)

The scene where Jules interrogates Brett and his stoner friends has since become an iconic, entertaining, almost funny part of pop culture. It's something we can all fondly remember and laugh about, whilst appreciating Tarantino's ear for dialogue and Samuel L. Jackson's ability to speak it. But before we laughed at the scene, before we considered it warm and cuddly and familiar, that scene was goddamn terrifying. Jules is simultaneously friendly and intimidating, honest and deceiving.

 

When he tells a lounging stoner to "Keep chillin" on the sofa, he's not really being nice so much as he's making sure everyone stays right the **** where they are. He's friendly with Brett as he talks about his (potentially fictional) vegetarian girlfriend, only to shoot the lounging stoner moments later without a second's hesitation.

 

As much as we admire Jules's charisma and baddassity today, one has to remember how ****ing scary he could be when he really wanted to be, and how big of a deal it was that he eventually decides to quit the gangster life and "walk the earth, like Caine in Kung Fu." We all want to have Jules's power to intimidate, and I think many of us secretly want to walk the Earth and get into adventures, just as Jules plans to do after leaving the criminal life.

 

 

 

6. Jack Bauer (24)

Even though an average day in Jack Bauer's life tends to be more hectic than most major wars, and even though everyone he has ever loved has been murdered or abandoned him, you've gotta admit that Jack Bauer is a ****ing badass. Nothing – literally nothing – about Jack's position in life is enviable, except for his ability to strike fear in the hearts of pretty much every living thing with a bladder and a survival instinct.

 

In season one, he almost tortured a guy with a rolled-up towel. In season two, he shot and beheaded a pedophile. Three, he cut off his partner's arm. In the other seasons he's been forced to kill fellow CTU members, he's been clinically dead a few times, and – oh yeah – he ****ing ATE a guy once.

 

No matter how you may feel about Jack's politics, there's not a man alive who watches 24 and doesn't stand in awe of Jack Bauer's badassity.

 

 

 

5. The Doctor (Doctor Who)

Though not widely known in the United States, Doctor Who is more or less a cultural institution in the UK, in addition to being the longest-running science fiction TV show in history. An alien being known as a Time Lord, The Doctor is capable of travelling through space in time in his TARDIS (Time And Relative Dimension In Space) machine.

 

Much more interesting, however, is The Doctor's capability of regeneration. Everytime The Doctor "dies," all of the cells in his body regenerate and, essentially, he is reborn into a completely new persona. Realistically speaking, this character trait was just a way for a lead actor to leave the show without interrupting the narrative flow of the series. In the context of the actual character, it represents something we should all aspire to – the ability to constantly change ourselves whilst still retaining those aspects which make us, us.

 

While The Doctor has frequently and drastically changed throughout all ten of his regenerations, he has maintained certain unalterable characteristics; he's always extremely clever, he is never violent, and he always does the right thing. Granted, a few of his regenerations were assholes, but why be a nice guy for 40 years straight? There's no fun in that.

 

 

 

4. Snake Plissken (Escape from New York)

If you look up "anti-hero" in the dictionary, you probably won't find a picture because most dictionaries don't do that anymore. But if dictionaries did do that, and if you did look up "anti-hero," you'd find a picture of Snake Plissken. Plissken, the eyepatch-wearing mercenary, is the ultimate loner. He'll save the world if you force him to, but as soon as he's out of danger he'll kill you without blinking (or, in his case, winking). He holds absolutely no respect for other people, and even less respect for authority figures.

 

Consider the end of Escape From New York: after smuggling the US president out of Manhattan, Snake has to decide whether or not to give him the precious data tapes which will essentially bring world peace. After asking the president how he feels about the fact that many people died to save him, the president gives a snot-nosed, bullshit response and asks that Plissken leave before the cameras start rolling.

 

Plissken hands over a tape and leaves. Moments later, the president goes on national television and plays the precious data tape, in the hope that the countries of the world can unite in peace. And what starts playing? ****ing American Bandstand.

 

A hundred feet away, Snake limps into the distance as he unravels and destroys the data tape which would have saved an undeserving world.

 

That, ladies and gentlemen, is a man.

 

 

 

3. Batman

If you had to list off all the superheroes who could defeat Superman in a fight, you'd probably try to name heroes with comparable powers. Shazam, for instance. Or The Silver Surfer. Or Galactus. You wouldn't think to choose a 60 year old, superpower-less vigilante with a Halloween mask and a utility belt.

 

And therein lies the genius of Batman. He's a regular guy in every respect: no radioactive exposure, no genetic mutation, no scientific augmentation. He's just a really rich orphan with a lot of money, even more free time, and even more anger at the murder of his parents by a common street thug. With enough money and training, any one of us could become Batman. Bruce Wayne chose to avenge his parents not by murdering their killer, but by preventing any more murders from ever happening. Bruce Wayne, in both his social life and his private life, tries to improve the city and stop crime at its source.

 

And if that means striking mortal fear into the heart of everyone who would ever commit a crime, then so be it. When you really think about it, Batman is absolutely mortifying. He looks like some sort of devil, he appears out of the night, and he'd really rather be dead than alive. But he still fights for justice, and does so pretty goddamn intelligently – Batman beats his enemies with brute force, yes, but he also exploits their weaknesses and prepares for every possible contingency. It's planning that helps Batman kick Superman's ass. And since Batman is human, and we're human, then that means, technically, any one of us could kick Superman's ass. Isn't that a nice thought?

 

 

 

2. Dr. Gregory House (House MD)

You would absolutely hate Greg House if you met him in real life. He's rude, bitter, arrogant, and too smart for his own damn good.

 

But if you were Greg House, then the world would be your ****ing oyster. He's too good at his job to get fired. He hates people too much to ever worry about enjoying his job. And he's got the perfect mix of arrogance, irascibility, and condescension to make everyone with a vagina in a four-mile radius lift their skirts in anticipation of a Greg House Vaginal Exam (he uses his penis).

 

You really wouldn't believe it to look at him, but I think literally every female on the show has been attracted to House at one point or another. It's strange: he's a lanky, bug-eyed dude with a constant hunch and a face resembling a horse's, but he gets more trim than Johnny Depp.

 

Just goes to show you: women love assholes.

 

 

 

1. Han Solo (Star Wars)

And if there's one thing they love more than an asshole, it's a roguishly handsome asshole with a really fast ride. Fact: Women love Han Solo. He's a cocky scoundrel who pretends to be a selfish loner bastard (his last name is "Solo," for God's sake), but really has a soft spot for doing the right thing.

 

Honestly, is there a more exhilarating moment in cinema history than when Luke's X-Wing is about to get blown up by Darth Vader in the Death Star trench? Vader locks on to Luke's X-Wing. "I have you now," he says. Suddenly, the TIE Fighter to Vader's left explodes! "WHAT?!"

 

"YAHOO!", Han screams. I swear to God, I shat myself when I saw that as a kid, and I still shit myself when I see it today. Han's coolness is also what makes episodes IV-VI of the Star Wars saga so much better than I-III. The prequel trilogy has no realistic character to ground you, and give you somebody to laugh with. No skeptic, no cocky badass. The original trilogy had that in spades, in the character of Han Solo.

 

To be completely frank, it should be every man's goal to find a woman, get her to fall in love with you, get her to verbally express that love, and then simply reply with, "I know."

 

I have done this on two separate occasions in my lifetime, and as a result, I will die a happy man.

 

Well, that's the list. We're sure you disagreed with every aspect of it, from the missing characters to the misplaced ones to the ones who didn't deserve to be there at all, but what do you want? Nobody's perfect. Except for the guys on this list, anyway.

 

Oh, you may also notice that thereʼs no place for John Wayne on this list. Why? Cause **** him, thatʼs why.