Ανέκδοτα - Ένας τύπος παίρνει κάθε πρωί το λεωφορείο...

[akpe]

Το πόστ του Νίμο μου θύμισε κάποιους τραγελαφικούς διαλόγους μεταξύ πιλότων και ελεγκτών εναέριας κυκλοφορίας. Δυστυχώς δεν έχω τον χρόνο να τους μεταφράσω (οι περισσότεροι δεν μεταφράζονται άλλωστε), enjoy:

Tower: "Have you got enough fuel or not?"

Pilot: "Yes."

Tower: "Yes what??"

Pilot: "Yes, SIR!"

 

======================

 

Tower: "Delta Zulu Romeo, turn right now and report your heading."

Pilot: "Wilco. 341, 342, 343, 344, 345..."

 

======================

 

Tower: "Aircraft on final, go around, there's an aircraft on the runway!"

Pilot: "Roger" (pilot continues approach)

Tower: "Aircraft, I said GO AROUND!!!"

Pilot: "Roger"

 

The trainee doesn't react, lands the aircraft, rolls to a twin standing in the middle of the runway, GOES AROUND the twin and continues to the taxiway.

 

======================

 

While taxiing the crew of a USAir flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. The irate female ground controller lashed out at the USAir crew, screaming:

 

"USAir 2771, where are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C's and D's, but get it right!"

 

Continuing her tirade to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically:

 

"God, you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, USAir 2771?"

 

"Yes ma'am," the humbled crew responded.

 

Naturally the ground control frequency went terribly silent after the verbal bashing of USAir 2771. Nobody wanted to engage the irate ground controller in her current state. Tension in every cockpit at LGA was running high. Then an unknown pilot broke the silence and asked,

 

"Wasn't I married to you once?"

 

======================

 

A DC-10 had an exceedingly long rollout after landing with his approach speed a little high.

 

San Josè Tower: "American 751 heavy, turn right at the end of the runway, if able. If not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101 and make a right at the light to return to the airport."

 

======================

 

The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short- tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.

 

Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway." Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."

 

The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.

 

Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?" 

Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now." 

Ground (arrogantly): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"

Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944. But it was dark. And I didn't land."

 

======================

 

A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the following:

 

Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?" 

Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English." 

Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?"

Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war."

 

======================

 

Tower: Understand you're without cargo today. If you're light, cleared for runway 6. 

N1234: All I have on board is my wife ... and she's heavy, but not THAT heavy.

 

[ribo7]

...διότι, ως γνωστόν, αν η γκόμενα τού φαντάρου που υπηρετεί στον Έβρο, θέλει κοκό και μένει π.χ. στην Αθήνα, δε θα ψαχτεί στην Αθήνα. Θα διασχίσει τη μισή Ελλάδα προκειμένου να ξεχαρμανιάσει...

 

(Καλό το ανεκδοτάκι, αλλά πολύ ρομαντικός αυτός που το επινόησε...) 

 

Του φαντάρου τη γυναίκα, τη πηδ*νε κι' άλλοι δέκα..

[marduc812]

-Το σπίτι διαλύεται και εσύ σκέφτεσαι μόνο το ποδόσφαιρο.
- Δεν είναι αλήθεια ρε γυναίκα...
- Η βρύση χάνει,το ξέρεις;
- Με ποιον παίζει;;;

[stratigos24]

Μιλανε 2 Πακιστανοι..

 

-Πυροφανι

-Και τι τελει?

[hackerW32]

εσυ τοβγαλες;

[stratigos24]

Οχι, μου το πε ενας φιλος.. 

 

Το πιασες? 

[koularasss]

Εξηγηση παρακαλω

[salonika91]

Μιλανε 2 Πακιστανοι..

 

-Πυροφανι

-Και τι τελει?

 

Εξηγηση παρακαλω

μαλλον

πυροφανι=πηρε ο φανης (τηλ) 

[ougxar]

πηρε και ζηταει το γελιο του πισω

 

αντίποινα:

 

-Γαλιλαίο, είναι ιδέα μου ή όλο εσύ κάνεις;

-Κι όμως, γυρίζει.

[momotis]

-Καταρισει τζαμια;;;
-Δεν θελω φυγε!
-Τα με πψηφισει γκατεβαινει ντιμοτικο συμπουλο...

[star12]

Μια μέρα στην τάξη, λέει η δασκάλα στον
Τοτό
Εγώ διαβάζω, εσύ διαβάζεις... τι χρόνος είναι?
Χαμένος

[eaglej]

-Θέλω να μιλήσουμε μωρό μου
-Τι έγινε πάλι γαμώ το κέρατο μου?
-Α στα προλάβανε...

[agrio.imeros]

Λες  το τραγούδι τόσα χρόνια να έλεγε  " ο Γιώργος ειναι πόνυ ροζ "  ... ;;;

[slevinkelevra]

Λες  το τραγούδι τόσα χρόνια να έλεγε  " ο Γιώργος ειναι πόνυ ροζ "  ... ;;;

Δυσκολακι, αφου μετα θα πρεπε να λεει "Κ αυτα που λεει μη τα τρωζ". Εκτος αν λεμε για αλλο τραγουδι....

[pesis]

Οι 29 κατασκευαστές πλυντηρίων βγήκαν στη σύνταξη. Δεν συνιστούν τίποτα πλέον. Κάντε ότι καταλαβαίνετε!!!